It has been a while since I have written anything in my blog about my son, Jake.
Frankly, it's been really hard to verbalize the trying times and the over emotional part of myself.
And here it goes, I will try not to sound like a super crying Pregnant mother with three high functioning children...
Last week, I was at Costco, trying to find boxes for me and my family to move. My fiance Johnson was with me, and yes, it was very stressful to be moving in a few days and the entire house had not been packed. While we were going to go inside to humbly ask for some scraps of boxes, Miss Aeysha from Jake's school called. She said that Jake was completely unmanageable, and that he was refusing to take his medication. This has never happened before. I could hear him in the background as we were talking, saying that he didn't believe that she was on the phone with his Momma, and that he wasn't doing anything anyone said. I told her to put him on the phone, "Why are you not taking your medication?" Jake's response? "I'm mad." I said "just becuase you're mad doesn't mean you can refuse your medication, I will wait on the phone while you take it, and come back."
Off he went, came back and told me that he took it, then verified by his teacher.
Miss Aeysha came back on and said I have never seen him like this, and then she commented that he was starting up again. I almost feel bad for her to have to call me becuase I can hear the angst in her voice and the fed up ness of it all. I'm sure she can hear mine as well.
The next week, Jake decided to grab a little girls iPad and smash it on the ground at school. The teacher, trusty ole Miss Aeysha called and told me what had happened. I was beside myself. If she had called and said that he hit another kid I would totally believe that more. But someone elses property? OH BOY. I was furious. She told me she wasn't even sure what had triggered him, but that the ipad that this little girl has is her tool to communicate with others. I got off the phone and like always Johnson said, what happened. So, I tell him. Then I tell him what I wanted to do to solve this problem, since I am not made of money and there is no money tree in the backyard. I purposed to him that we take Jake's ipad and give it to the little girl and he no longer has one. We also took a Christmas toy away from him, and would make him unwrap it, and then re-wrap it and give it to someone who deserved it more. Johnson agreed.
When Jake came home, we lectured him, and like always he did not have any ounce of emotion to his dilemma. He in fact told the teacher "I don't care that I broke her iPad it's not like I broke the law or anything, and I don't give a shit cuz I have one at home." OH yea, NO YOU DON'T now.
It felt like an absolute betrayal, like no matter what punishment I gave or was given out, it didn't affect him for one second. No hurt feelings, no tears. Even when I told him he wasn't going to hockey either, nothing. I'm so lost.
Fast forward to a few days later, and he was in the minivan with the other kids that he rides with, and decided to pull a little girls hair. Johnson was furious with him, and is especially offended when it comes to hitting or touching women. Jake was very matter of fact, she had a radio she turned it up he asked her to turn it down, she didn't he pulled her hair. Well, then the idiot driver he has(he is a whole other blog entry) turned the minivan around and dropped him off at school and refused to drive him home. While Johnson and I are at Wal-Mart walking around to look at Christmas gifts. And just like that, our day was cut short, and our prescious time we have like always we are faced with yet another crappy attitude issue.
I didn't even want to look at Jake when he came home, I took it very personally, and I wasn't sure why at the time. I do my damndest to try and make sure he continues to make good choices, and I praise him for that, address the bad things, and love him. But this time, I had zero energy to even talk to him. Johnson did and still no emotion and no remorse for his actions. Who is he turning into???
I laid in bed the other night completely and totally alone in my thoughts, and thankfully I have Johnson to talk to, and he encourages me that I am a good mother and we are doing all the right things, but its one day at a time. I felt like I couldn't even go one more day no matter what. Like I was in a desert, and had water but just gave up the will to walk any further. Just done, completely unsure of what to do next, and asking myself what is my options. It would be silly to say that I could come out of the funk and the dark cloud that loomed over my head like a ceiling, but I guess I could always try and get a good nights sleep..wait/...what's that?
The only light I feel right now is that we have Caeleah. She is the new ABA therapist that has been assigned to us, and we have started gathering data for her to look at and understand what is happening with Jake. She came over yesterday and I shared with her how sad I was, and incredibly tired and stressed out that I was considering I am also not feeling well because of my pregnancy. She said that she understood and she was the one that was able to pin point that I was feeling the ultimate betrayal from Jake. Like no matter what I did, he wouldn't care about my feelings or his family and the affect it has when he does things. She was clear about it, and kept telling me to go one day at a time. I can't help but still feel so defeated, and lonely in our plight to make Jake better. They have even tossed around the ODD diagnosis, and he is losing his psychiatrist in January, but thankfully we have another one lined up at his school, since she knows all about him. But in the meantime, we have te holidays coming up and so far hes lost 2 gifts from the tree that are given away to someone else. And no response to that.
Both Johnson and I need a break so badly, it's awful. Just a chance to replenish the minds, and get some sleep and not be disturbed by fighting and screaming and yelling and running up and down the stairs. But when you have three high needs kids, you never get a break. Just when you think you do, the phone rings and its the school.
Frankly, it's been really hard to verbalize the trying times and the over emotional part of myself.
And here it goes, I will try not to sound like a super crying Pregnant mother with three high functioning children...
Last week, I was at Costco, trying to find boxes for me and my family to move. My fiance Johnson was with me, and yes, it was very stressful to be moving in a few days and the entire house had not been packed. While we were going to go inside to humbly ask for some scraps of boxes, Miss Aeysha from Jake's school called. She said that Jake was completely unmanageable, and that he was refusing to take his medication. This has never happened before. I could hear him in the background as we were talking, saying that he didn't believe that she was on the phone with his Momma, and that he wasn't doing anything anyone said. I told her to put him on the phone, "Why are you not taking your medication?" Jake's response? "I'm mad." I said "just becuase you're mad doesn't mean you can refuse your medication, I will wait on the phone while you take it, and come back."
Off he went, came back and told me that he took it, then verified by his teacher.
Miss Aeysha came back on and said I have never seen him like this, and then she commented that he was starting up again. I almost feel bad for her to have to call me becuase I can hear the angst in her voice and the fed up ness of it all. I'm sure she can hear mine as well.
The next week, Jake decided to grab a little girls iPad and smash it on the ground at school. The teacher, trusty ole Miss Aeysha called and told me what had happened. I was beside myself. If she had called and said that he hit another kid I would totally believe that more. But someone elses property? OH BOY. I was furious. She told me she wasn't even sure what had triggered him, but that the ipad that this little girl has is her tool to communicate with others. I got off the phone and like always Johnson said, what happened. So, I tell him. Then I tell him what I wanted to do to solve this problem, since I am not made of money and there is no money tree in the backyard. I purposed to him that we take Jake's ipad and give it to the little girl and he no longer has one. We also took a Christmas toy away from him, and would make him unwrap it, and then re-wrap it and give it to someone who deserved it more. Johnson agreed.
When Jake came home, we lectured him, and like always he did not have any ounce of emotion to his dilemma. He in fact told the teacher "I don't care that I broke her iPad it's not like I broke the law or anything, and I don't give a shit cuz I have one at home." OH yea, NO YOU DON'T now.
It felt like an absolute betrayal, like no matter what punishment I gave or was given out, it didn't affect him for one second. No hurt feelings, no tears. Even when I told him he wasn't going to hockey either, nothing. I'm so lost.
Fast forward to a few days later, and he was in the minivan with the other kids that he rides with, and decided to pull a little girls hair. Johnson was furious with him, and is especially offended when it comes to hitting or touching women. Jake was very matter of fact, she had a radio she turned it up he asked her to turn it down, she didn't he pulled her hair. Well, then the idiot driver he has(he is a whole other blog entry) turned the minivan around and dropped him off at school and refused to drive him home. While Johnson and I are at Wal-Mart walking around to look at Christmas gifts. And just like that, our day was cut short, and our prescious time we have like always we are faced with yet another crappy attitude issue.
I didn't even want to look at Jake when he came home, I took it very personally, and I wasn't sure why at the time. I do my damndest to try and make sure he continues to make good choices, and I praise him for that, address the bad things, and love him. But this time, I had zero energy to even talk to him. Johnson did and still no emotion and no remorse for his actions. Who is he turning into???
I laid in bed the other night completely and totally alone in my thoughts, and thankfully I have Johnson to talk to, and he encourages me that I am a good mother and we are doing all the right things, but its one day at a time. I felt like I couldn't even go one more day no matter what. Like I was in a desert, and had water but just gave up the will to walk any further. Just done, completely unsure of what to do next, and asking myself what is my options. It would be silly to say that I could come out of the funk and the dark cloud that loomed over my head like a ceiling, but I guess I could always try and get a good nights sleep..wait/...what's that?
The only light I feel right now is that we have Caeleah. She is the new ABA therapist that has been assigned to us, and we have started gathering data for her to look at and understand what is happening with Jake. She came over yesterday and I shared with her how sad I was, and incredibly tired and stressed out that I was considering I am also not feeling well because of my pregnancy. She said that she understood and she was the one that was able to pin point that I was feeling the ultimate betrayal from Jake. Like no matter what I did, he wouldn't care about my feelings or his family and the affect it has when he does things. She was clear about it, and kept telling me to go one day at a time. I can't help but still feel so defeated, and lonely in our plight to make Jake better. They have even tossed around the ODD diagnosis, and he is losing his psychiatrist in January, but thankfully we have another one lined up at his school, since she knows all about him. But in the meantime, we have te holidays coming up and so far hes lost 2 gifts from the tree that are given away to someone else. And no response to that.
Both Johnson and I need a break so badly, it's awful. Just a chance to replenish the minds, and get some sleep and not be disturbed by fighting and screaming and yelling and running up and down the stairs. But when you have three high needs kids, you never get a break. Just when you think you do, the phone rings and its the school.
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