My son Jacob has been gone for a little under a year or so and was living with his father. Before he left, I had to do the unthinkable...I had to call for help. I called CAS and begged and pleaded for them to help me with him. He had already threatened suicide( probably about 30 times) and tried just as many times. He not only talked about killing himself and tried to, he also talked about killing others, and people at school. He was a call for service from my own Police service several times after he told teachers that he would get MY gun and bring it to school, and shoot everyone. My son was a 911 call. Regularly.
I had started writing his father, and telling him the stories of what was going on...and as usual, he would just brush them off and say oh its ok, he's just angry. NO, he's not angry, something is going on with him, mentally and psychologically. I couldn't get him to understand that. And that Brought me to the point of calling an agency who Ive called time and time for my own professional guidance when I've attended calls that involved children being placed smack dab in the middle of their parents domestic fights, or custody disputes. I called, and finally got a worker who was no nonsense, and helped get Jacob reunited with his father to live with him for a little while.
It wasn't that I needed a break, it was that I feared for my safety and the safety of my unborn daughter Ellie. On one night before Ellie was born, Jacob went into one of his rages. He yelled and screamed and to be honest I canot even tell you what it was about, but he was out of control. I went into the bedroom, and told him to take his moment, and if he needed to, trash your room, like you've done a million times. He decided instead to start a physical fight with me, and went after my belly, with my daughter still inside and only a few months away from coming into the world. I screamed and had to get out of the room, and my husband came in and had to physically restrain Jacob, like we had to do so many times before. That was it. Twice he tried to harm not only me but the baby, by kicking at my belly. Mind you there was other times over the years that he tried to hurt me, even while I was sleeping, but nothing like this had even been attempted before. He told me he wanted to kill the baby, and me, and that I would have to sleep with one eye open.
I was PISSED. ANGRY. FURIOUS. EXHAUSTED. This was the straw that broke everyones back, never mind the poor camel, he was broken years ago.
I had enough. I called the Emergency Line of CAS and had him removed for the evening. Placed in emergency care, and contacted our worker. Within the next two weeks, Jacob came and went from my house to school, without a word, never say down with his family to eat supper or breakfast, and hid in his room until the day that I gave birth to my daughter.
Ellie was born on April 30th, 2018, at 10 am and was a whopping 5 lbs. She came early and I was still tired but elated. It turns out, that that was the day I would remember not only for my daughter being born but that was also the day that Jacobs father had the glorious idea of emailing the worker and telling him "I'll come and get Jacob now, today". My poor husband(sleep deprived and already hating Jacob's father to begin with), had to leave me and Ellie at the hospital, drive Jacob and my daughter Leighton to the house and wait for the Worker to show up. When the worker did show up, my husband asked my son if he wished to take anything from the house that would remind him of me, his mother. Jacob stopped at the front door, and said NO, walked out and got into the car and never looked back.
Fast forward to several months later and I received numerous emails from his father, "Jacob is doing great! But he can't stay here, he has no citizenship.""Jacob really likes school I don't understand why he doesn't like it at your house?"
REALLY??? You need to wake the EFF up man. He has something going on, and honestly I believe that he either 1) decided to hide his temper which is entirely possible, or 2) his father was living in a dream world, and wanted to enjoy his time with his significant other and Jacob was too much. If you ask me it was 3) all of the above.
Jacob came back on July 5th, 2019. He stayed with the family for exactly two weeks, and then he was a 911 call. He had grabbed a knife one night, and chased his younger brother and older sister around the house, and tried to stab them both, and then threatened to kill himself(count 45 times now). That was it. I called, officers came,(they were amazing and made me proud of Ottawa Police Service), and he was taken to CHEO, in the back of a cruiser, avec la handcuffs. They asked I said hell yea, do it. Jacob thought it was all a joke.
We spent 24 hours at CHEO, waiting for a doctor to see him. He saw Psychiatry, they assessed for like 10 minutes, and released him. Jacob was under the impression that he was coming home with us, but I had called CAS again, and asked for him to be placed again temporarily. An emergency worker came, my husband and I went home, and finally got to sleep. Jacob bounced from one group home to another, and then got placed in a foster home, with a rough and tough foster mom. He lasted two weeks, and became too much of a problem, and he was moved again.
During all of the time that Jacob has been gone, I've cried a lot, and made a lot of phone calls and appointments to get him into see the family doctor, and a referral to the Mental Health Unit at CHEO. I finally got his referral a few days ago, and we are waiting for him to be placed in a behavioural facility. But I've been informed that the wait is 5-7 years. WOW.
For now, he is living in a group home, in the country near Ottawa, and I received 4-7 calls a week from him or about him, threatening suicide/homicide/bodily harm/death/destruction to him and others, and it is only a matter of time before he acts and succeeds.
I started therapy for my Jacob issues amongst other things, and I hope to continue getting better. Right now, the tunnel is dark and I have run out of oil for my lantern.
Momma Bear
I had started writing his father, and telling him the stories of what was going on...and as usual, he would just brush them off and say oh its ok, he's just angry. NO, he's not angry, something is going on with him, mentally and psychologically. I couldn't get him to understand that. And that Brought me to the point of calling an agency who Ive called time and time for my own professional guidance when I've attended calls that involved children being placed smack dab in the middle of their parents domestic fights, or custody disputes. I called, and finally got a worker who was no nonsense, and helped get Jacob reunited with his father to live with him for a little while.
It wasn't that I needed a break, it was that I feared for my safety and the safety of my unborn daughter Ellie. On one night before Ellie was born, Jacob went into one of his rages. He yelled and screamed and to be honest I canot even tell you what it was about, but he was out of control. I went into the bedroom, and told him to take his moment, and if he needed to, trash your room, like you've done a million times. He decided instead to start a physical fight with me, and went after my belly, with my daughter still inside and only a few months away from coming into the world. I screamed and had to get out of the room, and my husband came in and had to physically restrain Jacob, like we had to do so many times before. That was it. Twice he tried to harm not only me but the baby, by kicking at my belly. Mind you there was other times over the years that he tried to hurt me, even while I was sleeping, but nothing like this had even been attempted before. He told me he wanted to kill the baby, and me, and that I would have to sleep with one eye open.
I was PISSED. ANGRY. FURIOUS. EXHAUSTED. This was the straw that broke everyones back, never mind the poor camel, he was broken years ago.
I had enough. I called the Emergency Line of CAS and had him removed for the evening. Placed in emergency care, and contacted our worker. Within the next two weeks, Jacob came and went from my house to school, without a word, never say down with his family to eat supper or breakfast, and hid in his room until the day that I gave birth to my daughter.
Ellie was born on April 30th, 2018, at 10 am and was a whopping 5 lbs. She came early and I was still tired but elated. It turns out, that that was the day I would remember not only for my daughter being born but that was also the day that Jacobs father had the glorious idea of emailing the worker and telling him "I'll come and get Jacob now, today". My poor husband(sleep deprived and already hating Jacob's father to begin with), had to leave me and Ellie at the hospital, drive Jacob and my daughter Leighton to the house and wait for the Worker to show up. When the worker did show up, my husband asked my son if he wished to take anything from the house that would remind him of me, his mother. Jacob stopped at the front door, and said NO, walked out and got into the car and never looked back.
Fast forward to several months later and I received numerous emails from his father, "Jacob is doing great! But he can't stay here, he has no citizenship.""Jacob really likes school I don't understand why he doesn't like it at your house?"
REALLY??? You need to wake the EFF up man. He has something going on, and honestly I believe that he either 1) decided to hide his temper which is entirely possible, or 2) his father was living in a dream world, and wanted to enjoy his time with his significant other and Jacob was too much. If you ask me it was 3) all of the above.
Jacob came back on July 5th, 2019. He stayed with the family for exactly two weeks, and then he was a 911 call. He had grabbed a knife one night, and chased his younger brother and older sister around the house, and tried to stab them both, and then threatened to kill himself(count 45 times now). That was it. I called, officers came,(they were amazing and made me proud of Ottawa Police Service), and he was taken to CHEO, in the back of a cruiser, avec la handcuffs. They asked I said hell yea, do it. Jacob thought it was all a joke.
We spent 24 hours at CHEO, waiting for a doctor to see him. He saw Psychiatry, they assessed for like 10 minutes, and released him. Jacob was under the impression that he was coming home with us, but I had called CAS again, and asked for him to be placed again temporarily. An emergency worker came, my husband and I went home, and finally got to sleep. Jacob bounced from one group home to another, and then got placed in a foster home, with a rough and tough foster mom. He lasted two weeks, and became too much of a problem, and he was moved again.
During all of the time that Jacob has been gone, I've cried a lot, and made a lot of phone calls and appointments to get him into see the family doctor, and a referral to the Mental Health Unit at CHEO. I finally got his referral a few days ago, and we are waiting for him to be placed in a behavioural facility. But I've been informed that the wait is 5-7 years. WOW.
For now, he is living in a group home, in the country near Ottawa, and I received 4-7 calls a week from him or about him, threatening suicide/homicide/bodily harm/death/destruction to him and others, and it is only a matter of time before he acts and succeeds.
I started therapy for my Jacob issues amongst other things, and I hope to continue getting better. Right now, the tunnel is dark and I have run out of oil for my lantern.
Momma Bear
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