I started back on night shift after a haitus of about 6 months......I was not looking forward to the fact that I may fall asleep by 9 pm whe my shift starts but I was determined to make the best of it. I was excited to be up when everyone else was sleeping, and honestly I again felt normal.
But, again, my life is not really that normal when you have special needs kids.
I woke up Tuesday at 4 pm, slept all day and I felt like a million bucks. Jake had had 7 days in a row with zero incidents, and I'm not stupid I knew that at some point we would have a terrible day, and man for what was to come, I wouldn't wish it on my own enemy.
Jake came home from school, and said that he had an incident. So, I read the trusty ole journal. And lo and behold there was an entry saying that Jake threatened to stab another student in the eye with a pencil.
Cue FURIOUS MOMMA BEAR.
I asked him what happened. "A guy in my class said to me to leave him alone in a mean voice, so I tried to stab him with my pencil"
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? was my response.
For the life of me and all that is sacred, I cannot wrap my brain around why the heck my son would do that....I have no clue. Why do we constantly resort to the violence???? So, I said well, how do we handle this better? Does it really matter that he spoke to you rudely? I told Jake that people do talk to people rudely, some people don't care about your feelings, some people are ignorant, and don't care about you at all. This is something that happens, and this kid can say what he wants, but your response was not cool.
I opted to let him try and earn some things back by letting him go to the park with his dog and sister. A little while later, Jake and some random kids I've never met before come to the door. Jake is angry, and the kids tell me that Jake was trying to hit people with his jacket. HMMMM, what happened?? I told Jake to come inside, and go to his room. My daughter, quite obvioulsly upset, says that Will(the neighbourhood Spawn of Satan) had tried to start a fight with Jake. Will is 10, Jake is 7. Will is bigger and meaner and always starts crap with my son. I have never shyed away from what my son is capable of, but this kid Will, he's just down right mean and cruel. Leighton tells me once I got inside, and I've only been awake for maybe an hour, that Will had some toy and told Jake he was going to stab him with it, and then started chasing Jake around the park. Jake was terrified, and took his jacket and whipped the SOS in the face with it. SOS went home crying to his mother, and Jake ran home with these older kids in tow.
This was the point that I wanted to a) strangle someone or b) scream.
I went upstairs to talk to Jake, and he confirmed the story to me about Will, and his rude behaviour. Will also has ADHD and is competely unmedicated. So, I went across the street to speak to Will's mother about it. I knocked on the door, and his mother came out. I asked her if she knew what happened and she said that Jake was chasing her son around and threatened to stab him with a toy. I was dumbfounded. I said uh, no that's not happened. I told her what my daughter had said, and she says "well, maybe you should supervise your children a bit better and none of this would happen."
WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME? are you for real right now. My inner Ghetto Nicole was furious, HOW DARE YOU? Part of me wanted to grab her by the head and shake her, the other part of me that loves my job was like calm down she's an idiot who thinks her kid does no wrong.
My response was clearly you are dumb to what your child is doing. He's a bully and mean to everyone, even my daughter. He's hit my daughter, he's hit my son, and even your bratty daughter. I am doing the best I can with what I've got, and I'm trying to give my kids a normal life, and to give them chances to be just kids. They are fine when your kids are not around, and as soon as your son and daughter show up, its a fight. She looked at me and said, I watch my kids, obviously you don't. And then she says, you're child is a menace, and everyone on the street thinks that you need to parent better, and watch your kids more, instead of just sitting inside and doing nothing. I replied, and if I'm such a bad parent, where is your supervision? I have nothing more to say to you, don't let your kids near me or my children, and I'm going to take my bad parenting skills back to my house. And I walked away.
I felt terrible. I felt like this is why I never get a break, or why I can't just relax. She knows nothing of my situation. Nothing. And to be judged by my children because my child cannot handle the bullying? OH LORD. Some people. By this point, I had had quite enough. I was actually shocked that someone could be so crazy about her children, and to be a teacher as well. She knows what kids with ADHD and Autism can be capable of. I told both of children, not to be anywhere near Will and his sister, and to just avoid them altogether.
I went to work, and sat with an MHA patient all night, and finally left the Hospital at 630 am.
I slept, woke up, and went to pick up my kids from school since the new nanny Nils is coming today from Germany. And then I go to Jake's school, and the teacher says, you got a few minutes to talk now?
My mind says: OMG WHAT NOW? Serioulsy I have had just about all I can take this week, and its only Wednesday!!!!!!!
Jake ended up trying to pee on someone. Didn't just pee outside during recess, he decided to pee on SOMEONE. Just when you think you've seen it all.....Jake comes to the fore front of today and says WATCH THIS! Even worse though was that he lied about it. Stone faced lied to his teacher, even though all the other kids say his penis and watched him pee everywhere and then chase a kid with said penis out of his pants, and try to pee on that kid. Are you serious? I just wanted a stiff drink of whiskey, and a hot bath, and some Netflix at this point. I grabbed Jake, and asked him to tell me the truth about what he did. He lied, I said you've got five seconds to tell me the truth, or else(Cue scary Momma Bear eyes, that look like I can kill with my stare alone). He protested, I didn't do it! YEAH, ok, stop lying was my response. He finally admits it, and then says, the kid he tried to pee on was being mean to his friend.
Silence from me for once. I demanded he apologize to his teacher, and then also to the kids he almost peed on, and we left. I tore a strip off his behind, verbally, and then said just keep doing what youre doing, and you willhave zero friends, and no one will care about hurting you or your feelings. He cried, but I know in another five minutes, he'll stop.
The new nanny hasn't arrived yet, but he'll be here tonight, delayed planes etc.
As for the Spawn of Satan and his mother of the year, they were outside earlier and just glared at me. I waved with all my fingers.
I don't even know what to say anymore to my son. I can't trust him, can't let him go anywhere and be a somewhat normal kid, and I can't leave him with anyone, without some incident happening. I've got all the support systems in place, I've taken time off of work, I've started anxiety medication, I devote my life to my kids which is why I have no life and not that many friends. I'm so worn out, and tired from the drama, and the BS. I wish that things were different sometimes, that I had actually married someone who loved and cared for his children a little more, and enough about me to give me a hand. But unfortunately, I married a man who is completely selfish, and narcissistic. Thank God he's not here anyways. There are days that I really want to be apart of someone's life, and days where I cannot be bothered to even shower. There are days like today where I spent the majority of my night at the hospital with a person who doesn't even know his name, and I think will that be my son when he gets older? Will he end up being charged criminally because he can't control his anger? Will he be in our system that much more because everyone will give up on him? It makes me just wanna cry all the time.
Feeling completely and utterly defeated,
Momma Bear
But, again, my life is not really that normal when you have special needs kids.
I woke up Tuesday at 4 pm, slept all day and I felt like a million bucks. Jake had had 7 days in a row with zero incidents, and I'm not stupid I knew that at some point we would have a terrible day, and man for what was to come, I wouldn't wish it on my own enemy.
Jake came home from school, and said that he had an incident. So, I read the trusty ole journal. And lo and behold there was an entry saying that Jake threatened to stab another student in the eye with a pencil.
Cue FURIOUS MOMMA BEAR.
I asked him what happened. "A guy in my class said to me to leave him alone in a mean voice, so I tried to stab him with my pencil"
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? was my response.
For the life of me and all that is sacred, I cannot wrap my brain around why the heck my son would do that....I have no clue. Why do we constantly resort to the violence???? So, I said well, how do we handle this better? Does it really matter that he spoke to you rudely? I told Jake that people do talk to people rudely, some people don't care about your feelings, some people are ignorant, and don't care about you at all. This is something that happens, and this kid can say what he wants, but your response was not cool.
I opted to let him try and earn some things back by letting him go to the park with his dog and sister. A little while later, Jake and some random kids I've never met before come to the door. Jake is angry, and the kids tell me that Jake was trying to hit people with his jacket. HMMMM, what happened?? I told Jake to come inside, and go to his room. My daughter, quite obvioulsly upset, says that Will(the neighbourhood Spawn of Satan) had tried to start a fight with Jake. Will is 10, Jake is 7. Will is bigger and meaner and always starts crap with my son. I have never shyed away from what my son is capable of, but this kid Will, he's just down right mean and cruel. Leighton tells me once I got inside, and I've only been awake for maybe an hour, that Will had some toy and told Jake he was going to stab him with it, and then started chasing Jake around the park. Jake was terrified, and took his jacket and whipped the SOS in the face with it. SOS went home crying to his mother, and Jake ran home with these older kids in tow.
This was the point that I wanted to a) strangle someone or b) scream.
I went upstairs to talk to Jake, and he confirmed the story to me about Will, and his rude behaviour. Will also has ADHD and is competely unmedicated. So, I went across the street to speak to Will's mother about it. I knocked on the door, and his mother came out. I asked her if she knew what happened and she said that Jake was chasing her son around and threatened to stab him with a toy. I was dumbfounded. I said uh, no that's not happened. I told her what my daughter had said, and she says "well, maybe you should supervise your children a bit better and none of this would happen."
WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME? are you for real right now. My inner Ghetto Nicole was furious, HOW DARE YOU? Part of me wanted to grab her by the head and shake her, the other part of me that loves my job was like calm down she's an idiot who thinks her kid does no wrong.
My response was clearly you are dumb to what your child is doing. He's a bully and mean to everyone, even my daughter. He's hit my daughter, he's hit my son, and even your bratty daughter. I am doing the best I can with what I've got, and I'm trying to give my kids a normal life, and to give them chances to be just kids. They are fine when your kids are not around, and as soon as your son and daughter show up, its a fight. She looked at me and said, I watch my kids, obviously you don't. And then she says, you're child is a menace, and everyone on the street thinks that you need to parent better, and watch your kids more, instead of just sitting inside and doing nothing. I replied, and if I'm such a bad parent, where is your supervision? I have nothing more to say to you, don't let your kids near me or my children, and I'm going to take my bad parenting skills back to my house. And I walked away.
I felt terrible. I felt like this is why I never get a break, or why I can't just relax. She knows nothing of my situation. Nothing. And to be judged by my children because my child cannot handle the bullying? OH LORD. Some people. By this point, I had had quite enough. I was actually shocked that someone could be so crazy about her children, and to be a teacher as well. She knows what kids with ADHD and Autism can be capable of. I told both of children, not to be anywhere near Will and his sister, and to just avoid them altogether.
I went to work, and sat with an MHA patient all night, and finally left the Hospital at 630 am.
I slept, woke up, and went to pick up my kids from school since the new nanny Nils is coming today from Germany. And then I go to Jake's school, and the teacher says, you got a few minutes to talk now?
My mind says: OMG WHAT NOW? Serioulsy I have had just about all I can take this week, and its only Wednesday!!!!!!!
Jake ended up trying to pee on someone. Didn't just pee outside during recess, he decided to pee on SOMEONE. Just when you think you've seen it all.....Jake comes to the fore front of today and says WATCH THIS! Even worse though was that he lied about it. Stone faced lied to his teacher, even though all the other kids say his penis and watched him pee everywhere and then chase a kid with said penis out of his pants, and try to pee on that kid. Are you serious? I just wanted a stiff drink of whiskey, and a hot bath, and some Netflix at this point. I grabbed Jake, and asked him to tell me the truth about what he did. He lied, I said you've got five seconds to tell me the truth, or else(Cue scary Momma Bear eyes, that look like I can kill with my stare alone). He protested, I didn't do it! YEAH, ok, stop lying was my response. He finally admits it, and then says, the kid he tried to pee on was being mean to his friend.
Silence from me for once. I demanded he apologize to his teacher, and then also to the kids he almost peed on, and we left. I tore a strip off his behind, verbally, and then said just keep doing what youre doing, and you willhave zero friends, and no one will care about hurting you or your feelings. He cried, but I know in another five minutes, he'll stop.
The new nanny hasn't arrived yet, but he'll be here tonight, delayed planes etc.
As for the Spawn of Satan and his mother of the year, they were outside earlier and just glared at me. I waved with all my fingers.
I don't even know what to say anymore to my son. I can't trust him, can't let him go anywhere and be a somewhat normal kid, and I can't leave him with anyone, without some incident happening. I've got all the support systems in place, I've taken time off of work, I've started anxiety medication, I devote my life to my kids which is why I have no life and not that many friends. I'm so worn out, and tired from the drama, and the BS. I wish that things were different sometimes, that I had actually married someone who loved and cared for his children a little more, and enough about me to give me a hand. But unfortunately, I married a man who is completely selfish, and narcissistic. Thank God he's not here anyways. There are days that I really want to be apart of someone's life, and days where I cannot be bothered to even shower. There are days like today where I spent the majority of my night at the hospital with a person who doesn't even know his name, and I think will that be my son when he gets older? Will he end up being charged criminally because he can't control his anger? Will he be in our system that much more because everyone will give up on him? It makes me just wanna cry all the time.
Feeling completely and utterly defeated,
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