I'm not ashamed to say it. I've been going to therapy. "Oh Nicole, you're so strong. You dont need therapy." said one of my friends.
RIIIIIGGHHTTTT.
The strongest people sometimes are the ones that break down the hardest and we are tired, and broken. I've never flinched at therapy. I've never judged anyone else for going...never. So, here I am, a tough and strong mother of two, who makes life changing decisions on a split second, is going to therapy for the upteenth time in my life.
When I was 13, I went to see a therapist, and she specialized in AA. Now, I wasn't the alcoholic, it was my dad, but I didn't know that. My mom and dad were very good at shielding things from me, and plus my dad was an EPIC liar, so that made things easy for him. This therapist used to make me beat the shit out of a mattress, because I was an angry young teenager. YEP, like red faced angry all the time. Felt angry 99/100 times anything happened, and I always felt like it was against me when things happened.
I've seen therapists at school, therapists who speicalize in AA families, therapists who are just starting their training, and therapists who are specialized in police officers.
Flash forward to now, and it helps me tremendously. Especially with my patience with my son, Jake. See Jake has been peeing the bed since he was not in diapers anymore full time. My water bill for the City of Ottawa must be insane, but I just pay it every month. I've tried everything, reward system(too much sugar), pleading, begging, scolding, pleading again, and now reverting back to Pull Ups for the night. I recently purchased his new bedroom set for him, because I had bought one for Leighton and she was so happy that she had her own bedroom set and bragged about it. Jake was a little upset, and I told him that all I had to do was work some more overtime, and that was it. It came to the house, last Friday and he was so excited he held the door for the delivery guys. He beamed with pride when his bed went in, and I said to him, maybe now we can work on the bedwetting thing eh? He nodded and said I'll do my best Momma. First night, he didn't wet the bed, but the second and third and fourth and so on, hes peed the bed. I have several layers of things underneath him, so its not the mattress that gets wet, just the bedsheets and the blankets. But it never fails he gets up, and leaves all of the sheets on top of each other and I am combatting now heavy pee filled sheets/blankets/and his camo blanket that he wraps around his head and "stims" with. This is just night time wetting...I haven't even mentioned the day time ritual of peeing 3-4 pants and underwear during the day. And he thinks that I don't notice because he just goes upstairs on his own and then changes. But me being a trained oberserver I notice the different pants that I didn't pull out of his dresser. And then he balls up the other wet pants, and throws them in the corner. Tonight, I spent some time pulling all of the pants out of the closet that he hid, and spoke to him about it. He confidently said that he would help me more because he knows that "Momma works hard. " Man, if I don't think I am a rockstar, clearly my 7 year old does?
I can't lie on here and say it doesn't drive me insane to have to wash clothes every 2-3 days for him to have clean sweat pants all the time. And remember he HATES jeans, so he won't wear them. But again, thank god for my therapist Paul. He is truly a god sent. He has actually been trained to deal with autism families, and I just happened to get him by chance. It was amazing when we started speaking aobut Jake, and he told me to read this book called Neurotribes.
For Xmas, my mother and father got me a gift card to Chapters(my most favorite gift of all time!!!) I love to read. More so then Netflix and Chill, honestly. When I was down with my family in Six Nations this Xmas time, I happened upon the book, and purchased it. Me and my mom and dad ended up reading several nights in a row on the couch in my parents new/old house, and I started to see the world of Autsim in such a different light.
Autistic children were referred to as feeble minded, and the word autsim didn't even surface until around the time of the first World War. Most, if not all of these children, and even teenagers and adults had been checked into aslyums over the world, because they were mistreated and misunderstood. They lived in their own little world, and would repeat things, in robot voices, and constantly repear movements, like flapping their arms around because of excitement, and then they would do some sort of "stimming". Stimming is something that I've noticed even my son doing, along with other kids I've seen in the community. I've seen a teeanged girl carrying around a small stuffed animal, with the silk tag on it directly on her top lip, and she gets nervous or excited and rubs her lip. Now, most people would think that that is so strange and weird, as they would've back then. No wonder these poor people were shipped away and locked away at institutions. They were referred to as 'retarded' a word that we no longer use, and I've even been guilty of it at some times referring to things as such. I've corrected myself on occasion, since it is a very derogatory term. My son stims with his camo blanket all the time, and I used to remove it from him and remind him that he is not a baby, and he would protest about it for a few minutes and we would direct him to something else. But now I just let it happen, because the thing is, is that he may never out grow it, and there are days where he must feel like he is out of control and losing things, so I say let it happen. Some parents may not, but I know its more of a battle of wits for it then anything. And I would much rather have a happy son, then an angry one.
I've since read more of the book, and have learned a lot about the sacrifices that parents of Autistic children have gone through for most of their lives. I've shared in their triumphs while also crying when they lost their child to the aslyums or schools, and they "died" of pneumonia, which was one of the ways for the institutions to rid the society of these feebleminded children. It was nothing short of acting like needing to make the race more pure like some other nutjob named Hitler. It was appalling and killed my soul reading some of the things that happened to these kids, who just like Jacob, were different and lived in another dimension. Thank God that I have pushed like other parents have, and asked questions and gotten help for myself. And thankfully they don't use electroshock therapy for ABA treatment now..OH MY GOD. I wouldn't let anyone touch my kid I would most likely go to jail for murder. But these parents were at their wits end, and no information as to how to rectify the kids.
What I've come to, is this: There is no cure for ADHD/ADD/OPD/ODD/Schizophrenia/ASD etc. No amount of medication or therapy will ever CURE these diagnoses. What will happen is that our children will learn to be more adapatable towards this dimension that most of us live in. I may not necessarily agree that my child has to live in this dimension at all with me, but I know he comes and goes from mine to his own all the time. He just has a hard time making the connection sometimes, and also makes his comments at school along with the behaviour. And sometimes that makes me angry that yes, his behvaiour may not be appropriate for other children, but yet again it seems like we have to conform to the ways that they want us to. Along with our children to do the same. How can they? And how can we help them, when private schools cost thousands and thousands, and some people end up actually quitting their careers and jobs they love becuase their child can't function without them? This is what all of us parents of autistic parents end up doing. Would I be a bad parent if I chose not to quit my job as a police officer to stay at home full time with my son? No, but I can see how others have had to do it, and their reasons for it. For now, we go day by day, and find our common ground together.
My daughter said the other day that she wanted to save all of her money from the tooth fairy, and from her chores, and pay for her university tuition to become someone who can help ADHD and Autistic kids like Jake. She smiled and said, because I don't think I could be a police officer like you Momma, its scary. My heart just melted.
In a few more days, Jake will go from having his home routine to his new school routine, and it will possibly be hard as hell or maybe a little smoother. I'm probably more scared then he is, but I know Day Treatment program is the best way to go. And we will work on the bed wetting/peeing our pants everyday until we get the handle on it.
"Steady as she goes, Cst.Miller" as my favorite Staff Sgt would say, "Steady as she goes..."
Momma Bear
RIIIIIGGHHTTTT.
The strongest people sometimes are the ones that break down the hardest and we are tired, and broken. I've never flinched at therapy. I've never judged anyone else for going...never. So, here I am, a tough and strong mother of two, who makes life changing decisions on a split second, is going to therapy for the upteenth time in my life.
When I was 13, I went to see a therapist, and she specialized in AA. Now, I wasn't the alcoholic, it was my dad, but I didn't know that. My mom and dad were very good at shielding things from me, and plus my dad was an EPIC liar, so that made things easy for him. This therapist used to make me beat the shit out of a mattress, because I was an angry young teenager. YEP, like red faced angry all the time. Felt angry 99/100 times anything happened, and I always felt like it was against me when things happened.
I've seen therapists at school, therapists who speicalize in AA families, therapists who are just starting their training, and therapists who are specialized in police officers.
Flash forward to now, and it helps me tremendously. Especially with my patience with my son, Jake. See Jake has been peeing the bed since he was not in diapers anymore full time. My water bill for the City of Ottawa must be insane, but I just pay it every month. I've tried everything, reward system(too much sugar), pleading, begging, scolding, pleading again, and now reverting back to Pull Ups for the night. I recently purchased his new bedroom set for him, because I had bought one for Leighton and she was so happy that she had her own bedroom set and bragged about it. Jake was a little upset, and I told him that all I had to do was work some more overtime, and that was it. It came to the house, last Friday and he was so excited he held the door for the delivery guys. He beamed with pride when his bed went in, and I said to him, maybe now we can work on the bedwetting thing eh? He nodded and said I'll do my best Momma. First night, he didn't wet the bed, but the second and third and fourth and so on, hes peed the bed. I have several layers of things underneath him, so its not the mattress that gets wet, just the bedsheets and the blankets. But it never fails he gets up, and leaves all of the sheets on top of each other and I am combatting now heavy pee filled sheets/blankets/and his camo blanket that he wraps around his head and "stims" with. This is just night time wetting...I haven't even mentioned the day time ritual of peeing 3-4 pants and underwear during the day. And he thinks that I don't notice because he just goes upstairs on his own and then changes. But me being a trained oberserver I notice the different pants that I didn't pull out of his dresser. And then he balls up the other wet pants, and throws them in the corner. Tonight, I spent some time pulling all of the pants out of the closet that he hid, and spoke to him about it. He confidently said that he would help me more because he knows that "Momma works hard. " Man, if I don't think I am a rockstar, clearly my 7 year old does?
I can't lie on here and say it doesn't drive me insane to have to wash clothes every 2-3 days for him to have clean sweat pants all the time. And remember he HATES jeans, so he won't wear them. But again, thank god for my therapist Paul. He is truly a god sent. He has actually been trained to deal with autism families, and I just happened to get him by chance. It was amazing when we started speaking aobut Jake, and he told me to read this book called Neurotribes.
For Xmas, my mother and father got me a gift card to Chapters(my most favorite gift of all time!!!) I love to read. More so then Netflix and Chill, honestly. When I was down with my family in Six Nations this Xmas time, I happened upon the book, and purchased it. Me and my mom and dad ended up reading several nights in a row on the couch in my parents new/old house, and I started to see the world of Autsim in such a different light.
Autistic children were referred to as feeble minded, and the word autsim didn't even surface until around the time of the first World War. Most, if not all of these children, and even teenagers and adults had been checked into aslyums over the world, because they were mistreated and misunderstood. They lived in their own little world, and would repeat things, in robot voices, and constantly repear movements, like flapping their arms around because of excitement, and then they would do some sort of "stimming". Stimming is something that I've noticed even my son doing, along with other kids I've seen in the community. I've seen a teeanged girl carrying around a small stuffed animal, with the silk tag on it directly on her top lip, and she gets nervous or excited and rubs her lip. Now, most people would think that that is so strange and weird, as they would've back then. No wonder these poor people were shipped away and locked away at institutions. They were referred to as 'retarded' a word that we no longer use, and I've even been guilty of it at some times referring to things as such. I've corrected myself on occasion, since it is a very derogatory term. My son stims with his camo blanket all the time, and I used to remove it from him and remind him that he is not a baby, and he would protest about it for a few minutes and we would direct him to something else. But now I just let it happen, because the thing is, is that he may never out grow it, and there are days where he must feel like he is out of control and losing things, so I say let it happen. Some parents may not, but I know its more of a battle of wits for it then anything. And I would much rather have a happy son, then an angry one.
I've since read more of the book, and have learned a lot about the sacrifices that parents of Autistic children have gone through for most of their lives. I've shared in their triumphs while also crying when they lost their child to the aslyums or schools, and they "died" of pneumonia, which was one of the ways for the institutions to rid the society of these feebleminded children. It was nothing short of acting like needing to make the race more pure like some other nutjob named Hitler. It was appalling and killed my soul reading some of the things that happened to these kids, who just like Jacob, were different and lived in another dimension. Thank God that I have pushed like other parents have, and asked questions and gotten help for myself. And thankfully they don't use electroshock therapy for ABA treatment now..OH MY GOD. I wouldn't let anyone touch my kid I would most likely go to jail for murder. But these parents were at their wits end, and no information as to how to rectify the kids.
What I've come to, is this: There is no cure for ADHD/ADD/OPD/ODD/Schizophrenia/ASD etc. No amount of medication or therapy will ever CURE these diagnoses. What will happen is that our children will learn to be more adapatable towards this dimension that most of us live in. I may not necessarily agree that my child has to live in this dimension at all with me, but I know he comes and goes from mine to his own all the time. He just has a hard time making the connection sometimes, and also makes his comments at school along with the behaviour. And sometimes that makes me angry that yes, his behvaiour may not be appropriate for other children, but yet again it seems like we have to conform to the ways that they want us to. Along with our children to do the same. How can they? And how can we help them, when private schools cost thousands and thousands, and some people end up actually quitting their careers and jobs they love becuase their child can't function without them? This is what all of us parents of autistic parents end up doing. Would I be a bad parent if I chose not to quit my job as a police officer to stay at home full time with my son? No, but I can see how others have had to do it, and their reasons for it. For now, we go day by day, and find our common ground together.
My daughter said the other day that she wanted to save all of her money from the tooth fairy, and from her chores, and pay for her university tuition to become someone who can help ADHD and Autistic kids like Jake. She smiled and said, because I don't think I could be a police officer like you Momma, its scary. My heart just melted.
In a few more days, Jake will go from having his home routine to his new school routine, and it will possibly be hard as hell or maybe a little smoother. I'm probably more scared then he is, but I know Day Treatment program is the best way to go. And we will work on the bed wetting/peeing our pants everyday until we get the handle on it.
"Steady as she goes, Cst.Miller" as my favorite Staff Sgt would say, "Steady as she goes..."
Momma Bear
Comments
Post a Comment