I made an appointment with the school Social Worker, because one thing that I've learned after all this time of struggling silently, is to ask for help. It doesnt make you weak, it opens the doors to other places and people that you never knew existed to help you. He and I finally met this past Tuesday, and it was a long 2 hour meeting.
He was offering for Jake to go to a different school, in a Coordinated Access school. And all I could think of was I wish I had more money so I could send him back to his private school.
Apparently, the Principal, Social Worker, and some other concerned teachers got together and decided to propose to me that Jake attend a school with other kids who have behaviour issues. I listening intently, and tried not to judge what he was trying to say to me. But he said the word. Day Treatment program. My belly sunk. ARGH. Day Treatment program????
I'll explain why I feel that way about this program.
Several years ago I was an School Resource Officer, and initially I loved my position. My personal life was in chaos, and I had not gotten help for my anxiety or anger and my work ulitmately suffered. But, some of the good points were good, but when it was bad, it was a few times where I had to respond to a call for service at the Day treatment programs at different schools. One call ended up with me having to fight off a 12 year old girl who kicked me in a not so nice place, and I ended up getting into trouble for having to hand cuff her. It was not a fun situation and I can tell 100% I would not wish that incident on anyone else. Another time a kid had run away with scissors and was trying to cut himself. Again, not a good call to go to.
In a lot of different circles of people I know, this program is not well liked nor does it seem like any of the kids make progress. So, my police officer brain says GOD NO, like Steve Carrell from the Office and continuing to yell it in my head as he was telling me about it. I felt an instant feeling of tightness in my chest again. And I could hear my cousellor say, what do you think? Nicole, how do you feel? I FEEL LIKE NOOOOOOOOOO. My 2 year old child in me was screaming her head off, mad at the fact that Barbie was taken away and have to go to a different school, and then I thought about my son.
4 schools in 3 years. How does that make him feel? Unloved, unwanted, and bad. All the time. BAD BAD BOY. The worst part for me was the best school for him was the one that cost me $2,500 a month and at that I was completely worn out trying to make ends meet. The same time last year was the same issues. We can't handle him, and expelled him from the public school. I took him out and ended up with the private school begging and pleading to start a goFundme page and getting a little help but not enough. Another school. "Oh but Nicole, this school is his home school, and he would come back to this one for sure." REALLY. I almost wanted to say, why didn't we just do this in the first place so that my son made his friends with the kids in the new school right off of the bat??? Why did we pretend that he was going to do well and remain in a regular school. I felt like screaming at the same time as listening to this with my blood pressure coming up. I kept telling myself to breathe Nicole, he has Jake's best intentions at heart right? I think so. I gritted my teeth at the thought and realized I was thinking like a cop. STOP IT. I kept telling myself. Don't be so negative about it.
But all I could think about was again, damn it. Another school that can't either 1) handle him or 2) control him or 3) may not want to put the work into him. My poor son, he never makes friends. He doesnt get invited to anyone birthday parties, and I can't even have birthday parties for him because I don't have anyone to invite. It's hard and sad for my son. It breaks my heart to admit that out loud, and other parents with Autistic children know exactly what I am talking about. I wish my son had people he could share play dates with, and actually make some solid friends. I mean that is why we are here in Ottawa,because I didn't want to move around so much because my kids needed stability amidst the craziness. It makes me feel like I am a terrible mother for even considering this but I don't know what else to do. I can't afford $2500 a month aka $40,000 a year for my son to be given top notch education and a one to one behaviourlist. I could afford it if someone who shall not be named would help out.
Whats the answer? I have weighed the Pros and Cons. Pros being that he would get a classroom that is smaller, and he would be able to focus better. They take away the French aspect and the religious aspect as well, both of which he is not super keen on. They also would provide transportation to and from the school, since its like in the middle of the City and we live in the West end. He would also have proper support for his meltdowns/outbursts/issues, and most likely since the classroom was filled with others like him, the support would be able to cope with him. He is at a different school then his sister which last year when they had separate lives at school made a huge difference for both of them. The Social Worker said that this is a short term issue for a long term gain. God, I really hope so.
The Cons are that he has to go to yet another school and try and make friends again. He then is not at the same school as his sister, but he won't be worried about her. He will have to re learn everything all over again, the schedule, the way things are run, and then he'll end up testing the waters all the time and making the teachers go crazy because of his issues and meltdowns. It makes me so scared to make the wrong decision no matter what. My poor son, he has to change things all over again. I'm not sure if I like that idea. I think about it and I ask myself what is the best option for him? I have no idea.
I had mentioned it to him, and he had started to cry. "Why can't I stay at my school Momma? I like it here?" It broke my heart and I explained to him that a smaller class size is much better for him. And he would go to a different school, and it can help him with his behaviour issues. He still looked like he was so upset so I dropped the idea and chatted with him about how his school day was.
What do I do? My heart breaks no matter what I decide.
Momma Bear
He was offering for Jake to go to a different school, in a Coordinated Access school. And all I could think of was I wish I had more money so I could send him back to his private school.
Apparently, the Principal, Social Worker, and some other concerned teachers got together and decided to propose to me that Jake attend a school with other kids who have behaviour issues. I listening intently, and tried not to judge what he was trying to say to me. But he said the word. Day Treatment program. My belly sunk. ARGH. Day Treatment program????
I'll explain why I feel that way about this program.
Several years ago I was an School Resource Officer, and initially I loved my position. My personal life was in chaos, and I had not gotten help for my anxiety or anger and my work ulitmately suffered. But, some of the good points were good, but when it was bad, it was a few times where I had to respond to a call for service at the Day treatment programs at different schools. One call ended up with me having to fight off a 12 year old girl who kicked me in a not so nice place, and I ended up getting into trouble for having to hand cuff her. It was not a fun situation and I can tell 100% I would not wish that incident on anyone else. Another time a kid had run away with scissors and was trying to cut himself. Again, not a good call to go to.
In a lot of different circles of people I know, this program is not well liked nor does it seem like any of the kids make progress. So, my police officer brain says GOD NO, like Steve Carrell from the Office and continuing to yell it in my head as he was telling me about it. I felt an instant feeling of tightness in my chest again. And I could hear my cousellor say, what do you think? Nicole, how do you feel? I FEEL LIKE NOOOOOOOOOO. My 2 year old child in me was screaming her head off, mad at the fact that Barbie was taken away and have to go to a different school, and then I thought about my son.
4 schools in 3 years. How does that make him feel? Unloved, unwanted, and bad. All the time. BAD BAD BOY. The worst part for me was the best school for him was the one that cost me $2,500 a month and at that I was completely worn out trying to make ends meet. The same time last year was the same issues. We can't handle him, and expelled him from the public school. I took him out and ended up with the private school begging and pleading to start a goFundme page and getting a little help but not enough. Another school. "Oh but Nicole, this school is his home school, and he would come back to this one for sure." REALLY. I almost wanted to say, why didn't we just do this in the first place so that my son made his friends with the kids in the new school right off of the bat??? Why did we pretend that he was going to do well and remain in a regular school. I felt like screaming at the same time as listening to this with my blood pressure coming up. I kept telling myself to breathe Nicole, he has Jake's best intentions at heart right? I think so. I gritted my teeth at the thought and realized I was thinking like a cop. STOP IT. I kept telling myself. Don't be so negative about it.
But all I could think about was again, damn it. Another school that can't either 1) handle him or 2) control him or 3) may not want to put the work into him. My poor son, he never makes friends. He doesnt get invited to anyone birthday parties, and I can't even have birthday parties for him because I don't have anyone to invite. It's hard and sad for my son. It breaks my heart to admit that out loud, and other parents with Autistic children know exactly what I am talking about. I wish my son had people he could share play dates with, and actually make some solid friends. I mean that is why we are here in Ottawa,because I didn't want to move around so much because my kids needed stability amidst the craziness. It makes me feel like I am a terrible mother for even considering this but I don't know what else to do. I can't afford $2500 a month aka $40,000 a year for my son to be given top notch education and a one to one behaviourlist. I could afford it if someone who shall not be named would help out.
Whats the answer? I have weighed the Pros and Cons. Pros being that he would get a classroom that is smaller, and he would be able to focus better. They take away the French aspect and the religious aspect as well, both of which he is not super keen on. They also would provide transportation to and from the school, since its like in the middle of the City and we live in the West end. He would also have proper support for his meltdowns/outbursts/issues, and most likely since the classroom was filled with others like him, the support would be able to cope with him. He is at a different school then his sister which last year when they had separate lives at school made a huge difference for both of them. The Social Worker said that this is a short term issue for a long term gain. God, I really hope so.
The Cons are that he has to go to yet another school and try and make friends again. He then is not at the same school as his sister, but he won't be worried about her. He will have to re learn everything all over again, the schedule, the way things are run, and then he'll end up testing the waters all the time and making the teachers go crazy because of his issues and meltdowns. It makes me so scared to make the wrong decision no matter what. My poor son, he has to change things all over again. I'm not sure if I like that idea. I think about it and I ask myself what is the best option for him? I have no idea.
I had mentioned it to him, and he had started to cry. "Why can't I stay at my school Momma? I like it here?" It broke my heart and I explained to him that a smaller class size is much better for him. And he would go to a different school, and it can help him with his behaviour issues. He still looked like he was so upset so I dropped the idea and chatted with him about how his school day was.
What do I do? My heart breaks no matter what I decide.
Momma Bear
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