Before I start with my sons story, I have to admit that I honestly never would've thought that my son would end up being in a police database....anywhere. My hope and prayer as an officer myself is that he would never end up being stopped by an officer for doing anything wrong or against the law I swore to uphold.
Yet. Here we are.
My son Jacob, is one half of my world. My daughter Leighton is the other half. Somewhere in between all of that I find some time for myself, playing soccer, referee for soccer, and patrolling the streets of Ottawa.
I have been quite reluctant to write my story about what's happening wth my life because as officers we are very private and can't have anyone know about our struggles. But I think now I am ready to start my journey of using my writing skills, as awful as they may be, to share with you and other parents of children who have ADHD and Autism.
Today has been especially bad for me and for my son. You see, my son was pretty out of control yesterday and today at his school. The difficulty with Jacob is that he is transitioning to a main stream school after a few years in public,(getting expelled) and then one amazing year in private school. He's having a tough time but we expected that.
Yesterday he told one of his teachers, in his moment of rage, that he would get a gun and go back to the school and shoot up the school. Now as an officer and as a parent, this terrifies me. Obviously. But as a parent of someone who is ADHD and Autistic, this is my sons Baseline.
Of course the Principal called me to let me know and reassured me that they would work through it but that she wanted me to know. I was thankful for the call, hung up and cried my eyes out. I tend to do that a lot just to get my head straight and to make sure I can be ok. Better to cry and release then to hang on and hold it all in and explode at the wrong time. (Been there done that at work).
The Principal then says "but hey! Great news! He's having An amazing morning!" And my thought was that's awesome! Thumbs up to my little man he's doing good. Jacob can't be managed by days or weeks, he's managed by minutes and hours. Literally. So I share with The Principal some information, hang up and feel much better. It's not 1400 hours and I have to get motivated to get ready for work. I shower, pack my lunch and notice I missed a phone call. Unknown number. Uh oh, it's either work or work. So I listen to the voicemail and it's the Principal again, and it sounds like she's in a wind tunnel. Shes yelling through the phone saying "Jacob is running away from us and if he makes it to the end of the school yard we will follow him but we'll have to call 911"
My heart sank. Damn it! I thought. I gotta get there so he's not a call for service. I get in my car, half dressed and drive the 1 kilometer to his school. I get out of my car and see him with 6 teachers walking around the school yard, swinging these massive sticks around and yelling and screaming. I called out to him and the teachers "drop the sticks!"
It's like I'm talking to a criminal who's wielding a weapon! God. This is my son!!!!
He immediately drops the sticks and tries to walk away from me. I yelled at him to come over and see me. And he comes over with this look on his face like he knows how bad this is. Now Jacob has this face. And I can't totally describe this face, but it's the face that I know means he's in a really dark place and he's shutting down.
And now I'm upset. Again. And the tears are streaming down my face and I can't stop them. Because now I'm tired and exhausted and I've have enough but this point. Only because I'm a single mother and I do have great support but I am the main person in his life. Main parent. Basically the one who has to carry all of the decisions and phone calls when this happen. So I tell him enough is enough. And I go through my spell of "I have to go to work too buddy, and I know You're angry but why are you?" Of course Jacob can't even begin to express his anger because he has never been able to. He looks at me again and sees the tears streaming down my face and now his tears start to form. And the angry face is still present. He finally agrees to go inside with his EA and I walk to my car with the Principal still crying and almost hyperventilating.
She reassures me, we aren't suspending him. He's not being sent home. He's staying at school to finish the day. There are consequences to his actions. I thanked her and she said "be safe and I hope your night gets better I know you have to go to work" I got into my car and cried. And cried and cried. I eventually got back home and got my stuff together and drove to work. Usually I would have some music blaring and I would be getting mentally ready for work but today I took the quiet road and the silence to process that I would have to enter my son into my workplaces database.
I got to work and asked my boss to enter my sons information, I said "Just in case he bolts..." and she agreed.
Nothin felt right about typing my sons name into the system, but I kept telling myself that it was for his safety and his protection. Just in case Nikki. Just in case.
Just in case the next officer doesnt know that my son does not like yelling or shouting or sirens or loud noises. Just in case that officer needs to call me to calm my son down and have me chat with him. Just in case my son runs away and ends up hiding on us.
So, he's now stored in my work database. But I know its necessary and this is my one day where I had to make that one difficult decision I never wanted to make.
Momma Bear
Yet. Here we are.
My son Jacob, is one half of my world. My daughter Leighton is the other half. Somewhere in between all of that I find some time for myself, playing soccer, referee for soccer, and patrolling the streets of Ottawa.
I have been quite reluctant to write my story about what's happening wth my life because as officers we are very private and can't have anyone know about our struggles. But I think now I am ready to start my journey of using my writing skills, as awful as they may be, to share with you and other parents of children who have ADHD and Autism.
Today has been especially bad for me and for my son. You see, my son was pretty out of control yesterday and today at his school. The difficulty with Jacob is that he is transitioning to a main stream school after a few years in public,(getting expelled) and then one amazing year in private school. He's having a tough time but we expected that.
Yesterday he told one of his teachers, in his moment of rage, that he would get a gun and go back to the school and shoot up the school. Now as an officer and as a parent, this terrifies me. Obviously. But as a parent of someone who is ADHD and Autistic, this is my sons Baseline.
Of course the Principal called me to let me know and reassured me that they would work through it but that she wanted me to know. I was thankful for the call, hung up and cried my eyes out. I tend to do that a lot just to get my head straight and to make sure I can be ok. Better to cry and release then to hang on and hold it all in and explode at the wrong time. (Been there done that at work).
The Principal then says "but hey! Great news! He's having An amazing morning!" And my thought was that's awesome! Thumbs up to my little man he's doing good. Jacob can't be managed by days or weeks, he's managed by minutes and hours. Literally. So I share with The Principal some information, hang up and feel much better. It's not 1400 hours and I have to get motivated to get ready for work. I shower, pack my lunch and notice I missed a phone call. Unknown number. Uh oh, it's either work or work. So I listen to the voicemail and it's the Principal again, and it sounds like she's in a wind tunnel. Shes yelling through the phone saying "Jacob is running away from us and if he makes it to the end of the school yard we will follow him but we'll have to call 911"
My heart sank. Damn it! I thought. I gotta get there so he's not a call for service. I get in my car, half dressed and drive the 1 kilometer to his school. I get out of my car and see him with 6 teachers walking around the school yard, swinging these massive sticks around and yelling and screaming. I called out to him and the teachers "drop the sticks!"
It's like I'm talking to a criminal who's wielding a weapon! God. This is my son!!!!
He immediately drops the sticks and tries to walk away from me. I yelled at him to come over and see me. And he comes over with this look on his face like he knows how bad this is. Now Jacob has this face. And I can't totally describe this face, but it's the face that I know means he's in a really dark place and he's shutting down.
And now I'm upset. Again. And the tears are streaming down my face and I can't stop them. Because now I'm tired and exhausted and I've have enough but this point. Only because I'm a single mother and I do have great support but I am the main person in his life. Main parent. Basically the one who has to carry all of the decisions and phone calls when this happen. So I tell him enough is enough. And I go through my spell of "I have to go to work too buddy, and I know You're angry but why are you?" Of course Jacob can't even begin to express his anger because he has never been able to. He looks at me again and sees the tears streaming down my face and now his tears start to form. And the angry face is still present. He finally agrees to go inside with his EA and I walk to my car with the Principal still crying and almost hyperventilating.
She reassures me, we aren't suspending him. He's not being sent home. He's staying at school to finish the day. There are consequences to his actions. I thanked her and she said "be safe and I hope your night gets better I know you have to go to work" I got into my car and cried. And cried and cried. I eventually got back home and got my stuff together and drove to work. Usually I would have some music blaring and I would be getting mentally ready for work but today I took the quiet road and the silence to process that I would have to enter my son into my workplaces database.
I got to work and asked my boss to enter my sons information, I said "Just in case he bolts..." and she agreed.
Nothin felt right about typing my sons name into the system, but I kept telling myself that it was for his safety and his protection. Just in case Nikki. Just in case.
Just in case the next officer doesnt know that my son does not like yelling or shouting or sirens or loud noises. Just in case that officer needs to call me to calm my son down and have me chat with him. Just in case my son runs away and ends up hiding on us.
So, he's now stored in my work database. But I know its necessary and this is my one day where I had to make that one difficult decision I never wanted to make.
Momma Bear
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